October 27th, 2008

Time: 10:06 pm Current Mood: Inconsolable rage

It's been a long.. long time since I felt the way I feel now. And that, those who still might even bother to read this journal or anything of the kind, is rage. Except, this kind.. this type, this instance of rage altogether feels completely different. I am two parts. I am part trying to maintain logical control of my emotions. That I should not rage and fester at people who are friends. Accidents happen. The rest of me is.. well. An inconsolable rage. Rage that does not give five kinds of hell who I hurt, that in fact I will take extreme pleasure in rending people emotionally in half. The scariest part of it, is that this rage is measured. This rage knows what to do. This rage finds the attempts to compensate for earlier transgressions utterly unacceptable. And in all of this, there is probably one.. very old part, that wails in despair. It's the accumulation of all my stress, all my hurt feelings over the past few, short weeks, and.. I just feel like giving the finger to the world. I can't do this shit anymore.

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October 26th, 2008

Current Music: WoW in the background. Subject: Believe it or not.. Time: 03:56 pm

I am alive. No, I didn't die or get horribly f'd up for Hurricane Ike. Life's just been.. ..interesting, over the last years or so. Less rage. More general jadedness mixed with sprinklings of entertaining joy. I'm being vague for the moment because, well, I'm totally not sure as to what to post. But I'm certain I'm not being watched as much these days by folk. x)

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March 21st, 2007

Subject: Rage. Time: 04:18 am Current Mood: Furious

I have, over the course of last 3-4 hours here and the 'news' and being 'asked' to do things, I have cultivated a rather extreme and self-destructive hatred for people that might've been considered friends, or even vague associates. Never in my life, never have I felt so vindictive, petty, destructive. I want them all to burn. I want them to recoil in horror as they realize that what they thought was 'bad', was in truth just the tip of the iceberg. I want them to know how wrong they are. I want them to feel and drown in my rage. I don't even care about the 'what', it's the 'how', it was done. I have yet to be treated with condescension in my face as badly as I was treated with. There is one who I am sorry I turned my dejected scorn, my simmering anger at the world. Hell, maybe this was just the time for the cork to blow. At a time it was being resealed with delicacy, I have a select few to thank for fucking up my day. My week, possibly anything I wanted and ever hoped for. Godfuckingdamnedthricedamned bullshit depression. I've just become this.. calm center that I feel like I'm ready to let go and give in to every nihilistic urge to just destroy everything around me. Let it burn. Warning: This post is being made at a late hour. This post is a tanget, a culmination of rage and incosiderate notions. Be they true or not, I suppose is merely a reflection of a mind wanting to go two ways.

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March 8th, 2006

Time: 02:05 am

I found pretty pictures. Can't you tell? ^_^ The life, she is good, that she is.

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March 3rd, 2006

Subject: Braaaaains.. Time: 12:09 am

Wow, this thing still exists.. Go fig. Let's take stock; good times, good RP, good gaming, good life in general... Now if anyone has a suggestion for how to be less sleepy despite 8 hours.. *thud*

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September 23rd, 2005

Subject: The comin' storm. Time: 01:42 am

Well, Hurricane Rita's bearing down on us, and adding to the innumerable posts, I'm throwing this up. I'm on the edge of it, I reckon, but we'll probably be geting 80 MPH windforce on Saturday. I'm not a normal prayer-type, ergo, I'm not one for the One God and what not. So here's somethin' I haven't done in a long time, somethin' I only say now 'cause of the bad feelin' I got rottin' in my stomach. Goddess watch over us. ... I'll see everyone on the flipside.

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June 10th, 2005

Time: 01:46 am

GD it. I'm so sick and fucking tired of feeling 'OK' one day then going back to a nice, shitty, caustic, abrasive emotional outset. MAYBE this is why I can't muster myself for RP. I have all the crea-fucking-tivity in the world, or at least I did at one point. But there's no fucking joy or drive or contentment or anything else. I'm so fucking tired of it, I try and try to change my own fucking self, try to forget some stupid shit (well, lest that the 'rationalizing' look of it) and get on. But I can't, and it's aggravating the piss out of me. It's like you get your arms cutoff, and as a consolation gift, someone gives you, oh, I don't know, a gameboy or a laptop or something else. I can't feel anything except this growing ball of hate and nothing to vent it appopriately. I mean, there's only so much OMGLJEMO one can do, in a derogatory sort of fashion. I'd say, 'fuck you I'm emo' but that sounds so bloody contrived. Just need something to sate me for more than an hour. Maybe bowling. *snort*

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April 26th, 2005

Current Music: FMA - Indelible Sin Subject: First Day Time: 02:48 am Current Mood: okay

Kinda daunting at first, working at my new company. Which will be, currently, training for about 2 weeks or so, then I get to hit the floor, takin' calls, that kinda thing. Then after a few more weeks, I go into training for true technical support. Yay. About the only thing I'm actually worried about is answering 'with a Smile'. General attitude is maintaining a positive perspective on things. Lately, 've been low-key about most things. Yeeah, I'll laugh at a joke, but I find it annoyingly hard to be just /happy/ lately. Who knows, it could change soon. Maybe. -_- *rambles incessantly someday*

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April 21st, 2005

Subject: Nngh. Time: 02:25 am Current Mood: blah

I'm gonna keep it short. Lonely thoughts and depression suck ass. Carry on. No attention-whoring here.

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Current Music: Xzibit - Paparazzi Subject: Bejobbin'. Time: 12:34 am Current Mood: blah

Well, here's a good tidbit of news. I'm starting training for my new job at Convergys, which I believe I'll be doing Phone Tech Support. Or Customer Care. Y'know, it doesn't matter. It's money in one's pocket, right? Especially since well, it's paid training at a lovely 8.50/hour. Maybe I'll drag myself out of a rut or two. X) Music, for those curious, is brought to you slim minority who pass this over by a rampant playing of the Foundry in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3. .. I just can't stop trick-grinding. ;_;

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March 21st, 2005

Current Music: L'Arc~en~Ciel - READY STEADY GO! Subject: ZuBAAAAAAAAAAN! Time: 12:42 am Current Mood: silly

Nanaca Crash - The Meme! by neifirst Username Reason for Causing Bicycle Mayhem Crash Power: 100% Bicycle Target ck20xx Kicks into Low Orbit wondergecko Gets cracked in the head and adjusts flight path doomflower Uppercuts to the Moon thatseanguy Runs interference to try to reduce damage litagemini 'Assists' distance with a Baseball Bat. theantitexan Follows with the 'chase-cam' makoknight Catches and Safety-Hugs runegrey Final amount of 'bumps' for distance 68,968 Quiz created with MemeGen!

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March 18th, 2005

Current Music: Breaking Benjamin - Sooner or Later; So Cold Subject: So I figured, WHAT THE HELL, eh.. Time: 12:07 am Current Mood: creative

It's rarely I have a penchant, daresay, a desire to write. I feel that when I am needing to write, I do an adequate job. But my imagination has been somewhat fitful these days. So here I am, with a few threads of thought and imagination settling within reach, and I figure, it's high time to write. So what to write, you might ask? To be honest, I think what I may jot down here may be a bit of Mary-Sue'ing. Don't let that immediately turn you off if you don't mind-- I suspect the Mary Sue factor only in the fact he was an original character I transplanted over about 3-4 gaming verses, one of them being, City of Heroes. It actually allowed me to fully represent the man for who he was, as I fostered quite a bit of success, cutting my teeth in his original domain of AtlantisMUSH. So without further ado.. ( Existence ) Comments left open if people are curious. I'll answer them, and I'll try not to be /as/ pretentious..

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March 16th, 2005

Subject: Damn zombies. Time: 12:18 am

Armed and Dangerous Congratulations! You scored 87%! You made it out, alive and well supplied. You probably even kept most of your party alive too. You know what to look for, what to take, and when to just run. You even feel a strange inkling to go back. If you did, you'd probably do just fine. My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 97% on survivalpoints Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid

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March 1st, 2005

Subject: .. I wasn't trying to get high.. er, high-score. Time: 08:15 am

>_> <_<

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January 16th, 2005

Current Music: Mega Man X2 music! Subject: She's a witch! May we burn her? Time: 01:29 am Current Mood: amused

New iconage cause it's fun like that. Picked up Byte on M3, trying to get back in the swing of things on other MUSHes 'n stuff. Not much more than that, but BURN HER ANYWAYS! XD

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November 20th, 2004

Current Music: Tales of Symphonia - Abyssion Fight Subject: And then like, this meme thing... Time: 05:57 pm Current Mood: calm

You Are Scary You even scare scary people sometimes! How scary are you? As for other shizzy? Oh, I'm just trying, really, to get back into MU* glory, both VL and M3. Might repick Skullers, and kill people in dangerous ways.. That, or play more Kingdom Hearts and Star Ocean. It's great to have friends who their PS2s died. :D

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November 13th, 2004

Subject: To a few people.. Time: 02:08 am Current Mood: exhausted

I apologize for spazzing out and abruptly hurtling myself from M3 as the smoking wreckage I was. I just about had somethin' in me snap for some reason or another, and I kinda needed to come off before I snapped at people, and no, it wasn't what any one person said. I just felt very very angry, and very tired. And again, my apologies to the both of you. Y'know who y'be.

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October 24th, 2004

Current Music: Whatever Tales of Symphonia is playing, honestly.. >_> <_< Subject: So... Time: 05:31 am Current Mood: blank

I did it. I went and dropped Skull Man at M3. I was a little surprised to see people going "NOOOOO!" etc, but I had been dragging my heels a bit and not doing anything. I had a hell of a run on him, even doing some pretty unique stuff that occurred during the OMC TP with him, not to mention startin' a few fires here and there with people. I like to think I had a good run of 'im, even during the droughts of activity. ..Now, see, comes where I have to reclaim my drive for M3 on a whole. Kinda feelin' 'bleh', for some reason. Who knows, that could yet change. ...and no, you can stop with the threats of beating, I won't drop General anytime soon. ;>

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September 29th, 2004

Subject: And now, for something completely different Time: 05:52 am Current Mood: waffle!

I had a rant going. But you know what? Waffles, ladies and gents. Simple, good ol' fashioned /waffles/. No fork, no knife, enough syrup to drip onto the next with a few seconds to let the waffle's own /heat/ warm up the syrup.. ... ... ... So what if I'm just wasting space? XD It's my space to waste, y'dang whippersnappers! (an actual update may come later! omz)

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September 24th, 2004

Current Music: Seven Mary Three - Cumbersome (Yeah it's old, bite me) Subject: The wheel keeps on grindin'.. Time: 09:06 pm Current Mood: Ni!

Hnnh. Fiddling with Iconage. I might yet get a paid account so I can actually have a load of them, but, neh. There's only so much one can do, these days. Makes me wonder if I should consolidate anyways, dropping but a handful of my currents...

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